Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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