Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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