Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
