It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
