1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
