Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
