Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
