I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
