She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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