At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
