I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
