They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
