It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
