I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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