what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think pants incapable of making pants work
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
