I just saw a hot homeless man
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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