I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i need some magic done to my vagina
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
