Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
