I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
