White coat. Heels.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
