dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She bit a glass in half.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I am mentally ready for anal.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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