Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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