Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
