She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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