Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I accidentally burped into my bong.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
