Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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