I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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