Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
