are you so shy because you have an std?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
