The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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