the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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