You work out of a Hotel?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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