I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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