Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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