U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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