Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize