im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize