I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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