Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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