We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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