I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize