u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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