There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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