Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I lost the right to judge tonight
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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