She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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