I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
