there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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