Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
