I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
