i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
