dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
