Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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