He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
