The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
