How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
