Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
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