I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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