Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
