Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
