Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
