it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
