walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
