'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
