mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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