i jhust puked up my retainher.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it was like eating out sand paper
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
