omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
How naked do you want me to be?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
