I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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