You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
did i walk over a car last night?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize