There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
