please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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