we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
