is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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