Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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