neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize