shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she peed on how many people?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
