And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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