He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
