I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
