The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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