she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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