Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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