my vag is so smooth its legendary
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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