You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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