I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
