Already got asked if we're dating
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize