we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He shit in the fireplace
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
