I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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