textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
