dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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