just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
