Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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