I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
did you just send me my own nude
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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