first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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