I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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