from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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