Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
