I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
