that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Even my vagina gasped.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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