he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just tell him i said nine months
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
