I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
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