I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
