i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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