Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
