Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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