he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Text me some of your sweat
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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