I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think I sprained my soul last night
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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