If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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