Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
